Fair

"That's not fair!"

How many times have you heard that?  About a jillion at least!  When one of my sweet angels from the daycare says this; (generally over not getting the toy they wanted; or not getting to be the line leader); I (in my most gentle, sweetest voice) say, "Life's not fair and never will be.  Suck it up, pick it up and move on!"

Oh, how those words have come back to bite me so often here lately!  No, it's not fair!  It's not fair that Summer Camp planning was going great; schedules completed; field trips booked; have more kids registered than ever before; lifeguard found.  But then, the inevitable happened.....Teacher resigns 3 days before camp is to begin; field trip is cancelled and will not reschedule because a deposit deadline was missed; lifeguard may or may not be hired.  Life is definitely not fair!

It's not fair that children get hit by tree limbs and are no longer running around the yard playing, giggling and enjoying life; but are going to numerous specialists.  It's not fair that infants are dying of cancer.  It's not fair that people are killed by careless actions of a drunk driver.  It's not fair that my cousin has gone thru numerous bouts of cancer!  Life is really not fair!

We are quickly approaching the first anniversary of Mike's death and oh how I feel my life has not been fair; but death has not been either!  It's not fair that Mike had a horrible disease that robbed him of everything; talking; walking; playing baseball with his boys; watching his boys grow into men; watching his boys find love and marry their soul mates; watching his boys become fathers; and eventually succumbing to life in death!  Oh as much as life is not fair; try walking thru the valley of death!  Talk about not fair!

Fair is one's state of mind; not necessarily reality.  My feeling of not fair is the guilt I can't seem to get over.  Guilt that Parker gave up 2 years of his life to take care of his dad.  Guilt that my boys lost a great mentor.  Guilt that I'm here enjoying life and Mike isn't.  Guilt that I'm moving on without my best friend; my confidant; my support in making difficult decisions; my sounding board and my biggest cheerleader!  It's REALLY not fair!

But as hard as 'not fair' is; it's also allowed, no forced me to come into my own.   I've gained confidence in myself again and a new found independence. I can be fun and fun to be around again!  I can be loud and obnoxious and blame it on my previous life and then in the next instance say; No!  this is me; like it or not!  I don't have to follow YOUR rules because; well life is not fair!  Suck it up, pick it up and move on!  I have!  (At least I'm working on it!)

Favorite Foods!

I don't think you can beat a well cooked steak!  Yep!  It has to be one of my favorite foods.  But.... and here's the kicker; it has to be cooked CORRECTLY!  Do you know how to grill a great steak?  Do you prefer gas or charcoal?  I really prefer the taste of a steak cooked over charcoal or an open fire; but since that job has been turned over to my boys and they prefer to cook on gas; that's what it is!

I almost shudder when someone asks me how I want my steak cooked.  Uhm, medium rare.  Isn't that the ONLY way?  It needs to be a warm red center with a great grill mark on the outside; and yes it needs to have criss crosses of course!  Do you know how to test the doneness of a steak?  I've figured out the best method; all these years of watching cooking shows has paid off! Open your hand and feel the fat pad under your thumb.  That would be the same feel as a raw steak.  Now touch your thumb to your index finger and touch that fat pad again; that's medium rare.  If you like a medium steak touch your thumb to your middle finger and touch the fat pad.  And well anything after that is just burnt in my opinion; but you get the idea!

Now, it's steak sauce or not?  I prefer to cook with a sauce but nothing on it when I eat it.  Our sauce:
1/4 cup butter
about 1/4 cup Worcestershire Sauce
a few dashes of Tabasco
a sprinkle of garlic powder
Melt butter and warm slightly
Brush on steaks while grilling

 Brown Oven Rice

Place 1 stick butter in a 2 quart dish; add 1 cup uncooked, long grain rice; 1 can french onion soup and 1 can beef consume.  Cover; bake at 375 degrees for 45-60 minutes.  Now I didn't say it was a low fat meal; one that is eaten occasionally!

Roads to no where; what an adventure!

This is going to be a different post than normal.  It is food for the soul instead of the body.  It's just as important to nourish the soul as it is the body after all!  And sometimes MORE important when you're attempting weight loss!  Ha! Ha!

After many hours of reflection of life and memories I've decided that life is broken into many journeys and paths on those journeys.  For example; your first journey begins at birth and continues thru your early childhood years; although those are logged and chronicled thru pictures and stories from our family as of course we wouldn't remember this part of our journey!  Next comes our 'school years'; which could be broken down into many journeys as you see fit.  Puberty was definitely a major journey all it's own!

The next journey for me was meeting my sweet husband as we began our journey together.  Of course we took small journeys and paths during the big journey.  Life with Mike was well planned and projected for the most part.  Lists, lists and oh did I say lists!!!  Vacations were planned about a year in advance; schedules were....well scheduled and rarely deviated from!  It was a good journey; fun times; lots of learning and loving!

The next journey came with the addition of our children.  And oh what a journey!  Of course the obligatory firsts; first born, first smile, first word, first steps, first tooth.  Well you get the idea!  Dale definitely put many paths into our journey.  And as many paths; they were right paths and not so right paths.  But none the less paths that were necessary and good in their own light.  Now the journey that began with Parker was.....well many of the same paths as was with Dale; but then so many vastly different paths.  Predictability was thrown out the window on these paths.  What I thought was 'normal' and consequently right; was proven wrong oh so many times!  But again, it was part of the journey that was important and much needed.  (Although I wished at the time would return to normal, whatever normal is!)

The next journey began as Mike and I were planning (of course with Mike!) our next journey as we were soon to be empty nesters; or so we thought!  Unfortunately the spring of Parker's Sr. Year Mike began having some serious health issues.  So began the journey of the Medical World and devastating illness.  It was a journey that I was drug into kicking and screaming and unfortunately caused lots of doubt in everything I had been taught, learned and practiced.  Lots of pity parties and why oh why us?  Lots of doubts; doubts about why God would want us and allow us to go thru this and even doubts that God loved me or I loved Him.  Doubts about "until death do us part".  Never thought I would ever have those doubts; but as ugly as the truth is; it surfaced.  But the predictability of Mike's list continued thru this journey; familiarity was welcomed! The new lists included medication schedules; giving away prized gifts of memories and things; scheduled Dr. appointments; physical therapy appointments; appointments; appointments and more appointments!  The lists also included a Living Will, Final Will, Guardianship paperwork; Power of Attorney paperwork; and funeral arrangements.  This was a journey that brought me to rock bottom.  At the time one I wished so badly to not be taking.  I felt like my life had been put in a shoe box; placed on a shelf in the back of the closet and soon forgotten.  The journey gave me many happy memories too.  Time spent with Mike reflecting our life's journey together and realizing that he was not going to be with me to complete our lists was hard.  Our conversations were helpful in that Mike expressed his desire for me to move on and start a new journey that was full of fun, adventure without predictability and laughter.  I thought this would be a journey well down the road as my heart ached and longed to complete our list!

The next journey began after Mike's funeral.  What to do?  Where to go?  Who will go with me?  Yes, definitely who!  I love being with people and sometimes find it hard to be alone; especially on a journey!  But I have come to the realization that being alone is totally different from being lonely.  Alone time is great; laundry gets done, long phone calls or more times than not, long text messages or personal face book messages, feeding my girlie side with pedicures and 'nails getting done', and even a long soak in the tub with candlelight and a drink of choice! Lonely hurts!

My current journey began a couple of months ago.  It has been a journey of long conversations with good friends; meeting new friends and spending time with them; getting to know them and consequently getting to know 'me' better.  It's included questions that have rocked me to the core; but have made me probe my mind and soul.  It's also included spontaneous adventures; lots of razzing and fun and very few lists!  It has brought out laughter and fun and sparked the long forgotten passion I've had for life in general.  It's taken me on long car rides with the sun roof open and the radio blaring "Florida/Georgia Line's" cd.  It's taking me on new paths and adventures.  Not sure where that path or this journey will lead to or end; but am pretty sure it will include roads to no where and lots of new adventures!

Out of this World; Caramel Apple Pie

Out of this World; Caramel Apple Pie

2 prepared, unbaked pie crusts (can be frozen or my favorite, never-fail recipe follows)

6-8 medium Granny Smith apples, peeled and sliced

Sauce:
2 TBSP. cornstarch
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
6 TBSP. sugar (I used Truvia)
6 TBSP. melted butter
2/3 cup light corn syrup
1 tsp. vanilla
1 TBSP. lemon juice

Topping:
3/4 cup brown sugar
3 TBSP. flour
6 TBSP. light corn syrup
4 TBSP. softened butter
1/4 cup walnuts (I used pecans because it was what I had on hand)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Place bottom crust in large deep-dish pie pan.  (Do not use a regular pie pan; it will boil over!)  Fill bottom crust with sliced apples.  Combine ingredients in sauce mixture and pour evenly over apples.  Combine ingredients for topping mixture.  Put about 1/2 cup of the topping mixture on top of the apples and sauce mixture.  Cover with top crust.  Make several slits in crust for steam to escape.  Place pie dish on foil covered baking sheet.   Bake for 45 minutes or until apples are tender and juices are bubbling.  Remove from oven.  Spread the rest of the topping mixture over the warm pie, being careful not to break the crust.  Return to oven for 10 minutes or until topping is bubbly.  Make sure you don't overcook, or the nuts could burn.  Remove from oven and let cool completely before cutting.

Never Fail Pie Crust
3 cups flour
1 1/4 cup shortening (I use half shortening and half very cold diced butter)
1 tsp. salt
1 egg, beaten
1 TBSP. white vinegar
5-7 TBSP. ice cold water

Cut shortening/butter into flour mixed with the salt until crumbles are about the size of a pea.  In separate bowl; mix egg and vinegar.  Add ice water and blend together well with your fork.  Make a well in center of flour mixture and pour egg mixture in.  Mix until most of flour is incorporated.  Divide dough and shape into rounds.  Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes.  Bring back to room temperature and roll out on floured surface to about 1/4 " thick.  Roll from center to edges turning dough so as not to stick and make the round shape.  (For a deep dish pie, you will need to divide the dough into 2/3 and 1/3 amounts.  For a regular pie; divide dough in half.)  Place dough in pie dish; do not stretch but gently work into the bottom and sides of pie dish.  Cut off excess dough; but do not discard this dough.  You can make pie crust treats* out of them!  Crimp or pinch edges.   For cream pie bake at 375 degrees F for 10-15 minutes or until lightly browned.

Pie Crust Treats
Place pie crust trimmings on cookie sheet.  Brush with melted butter.  Sprinkle cinnamon/sugar mixture over and bake for 5-10 minutes in 350 degree F oven or until lightly browned.

Almond Iced Tea

Place 4 cups cold water in sauce pan with 1 family size tea bag.  Bring to boil and simmer for 5 minutes.  Meanwhile place 1 can of frozen lemonade in pitcher.  Pour tea water over lemonade and add 4-4 1/2 cups more water, 3 TBSP. almond extract and 1/2-1 cup sugar (I used Truvia) and stir.  Serve over ice and enjoy!

Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas

This meal is a stable in our house!  I made it into a casserole many years ago because I only use 6 tortillas for 6 servings!  Isn't that fantastic; because who could eat just 1 enchilada?

Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas

Boil 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts for 20 minutes; remove from heat and let cool; then shred.

Mix:
1 cup low fat sour cream
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 Tbsp. dried, diced onions
2 Tbsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
6 corn tortillas; 2 cut in half

Stir in chicken.

To cook the corn tortillas, heat oil in a small skillet (needs to be large enough to hold the tortillas).  Once oil is hot, cook corn tortillas, one at a time.  Place carefully in oil, count to 3, turn over, count to 3 and remove to a paper towel lined plate.  

In 2 quart baking dish spoon a layer of chicken mixture; then place 3 tortillas across chicken mixture; cutting tortillas to fit across; then place a layer of grated cheese; then place another layer of tortillas; then chicken mixture and end with grated cheese.  Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until the cheese is melted and lightly browned.  This dish can also be frozen and heated after thawing and coming to room temperature.

Easy Charro Beans

Saute for about 5 minutes or until vegetables are translucent:
1/2 diced onion
1 seeded, deveined jalepano, sliced
1/4 diced pablano pepper
6 chopped fresh medium tomatoes ( I like the size between a cherry tomato and regular vine tomato)
2 sausage or chorizo links; casing removed and cut into 1/4" chunks

Add:
 2 cans pinto beans
1 tsp. chili powder or more to taste
1/4 tsp. smoked paprika
1/4 tsp. cumin

Continue to cook on medium low heat until warmed thru; about 30 minutes.

Quiche, My Way!

I absolutely love hearty foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner!  A good quiche will fit that bill for any of your meals!  This is my version I made for a lazy, iced in, no work day.  Be creative when you cook; if you don't like what you've created; figure out what is wrong and try again!
Oh, and unfortunately this is not very low calorie; but I sooooo wanted it this cold day!  I'll just have to be extra 'good' the rest of the day!

Quiche, My Way!

1 - 9" pre-made unbaked pie crust; (your own or store bought)

Saute lightly, you still want them to hold their shape:
1/4 red onion sliced thin
1 TBSP. chopped poblano pepper
3 large sliced  mushrooms
3-4 slices deli hammed, chopped into cubes

Whisk together well:
6 large eggs
1/2 cup half and half
1/4 cup shredded monterey jack cheese
salt, pepper, creole seasoning to taste

Place baby spinach leaves on bottom of pie shell.  Layer sautéed vegetables; then gently pour egg mixture over.  Place in preheated 375 degree oven for 30 minutes or until quiche is set and lightly browned.  Allow to slightly cool or serve at room temperature.