This is going to be a different post than normal. It is food for the soul instead of the body. It's just as important to nourish the soul as it is the body after all! And sometimes MORE important when you're attempting weight loss! Ha! Ha!
After many hours of reflection of life and memories I've decided that life is broken into many journeys and paths on those journeys. For example; your first journey begins at birth and continues thru your early childhood years; although those are logged and chronicled thru pictures and stories from our family as of course we wouldn't remember this part of our journey! Next comes our 'school years'; which could be broken down into many journeys as you see fit. Puberty was definitely a major journey all it's own!
The next journey for me was meeting my sweet husband as we began our journey together. Of course we took small journeys and paths during the big journey. Life with Mike was well planned and projected for the most part. Lists, lists and oh did I say lists!!! Vacations were planned about a year in advance; schedules were....well scheduled and rarely deviated from! It was a good journey; fun times; lots of learning and loving!
The next journey came with the addition of our children. And oh what a journey! Of course the obligatory firsts; first born, first smile, first word, first steps, first tooth. Well you get the idea! Dale definitely put many paths into our journey. And as many paths; they were right paths and not so right paths. But none the less paths that were necessary and good in their own light. Now the journey that began with Parker was.....well many of the same paths as was with Dale; but then so many vastly different paths. Predictability was thrown out the window on these paths. What I thought was 'normal' and consequently right; was proven wrong oh so many times! But again, it was part of the journey that was important and much needed. (Although I wished at the time would return to normal, whatever normal is!)
The next journey began as Mike and I were planning (of course with Mike!) our next journey as we were soon to be empty nesters; or so we thought! Unfortunately the spring of Parker's Sr. Year Mike began having some serious health issues. So began the journey of the Medical World and devastating illness. It was a journey that I was drug into kicking and screaming and unfortunately caused lots of doubt in everything I had been taught, learned and practiced. Lots of pity parties and why oh why us? Lots of doubts; doubts about why God would want us and allow us to go thru this and even doubts that God loved me or I loved Him. Doubts about "until death do us part". Never thought I would ever have those doubts; but as ugly as the truth is; it surfaced. But the predictability of Mike's list continued thru this journey; familiarity was welcomed! The new lists included medication schedules; giving away prized gifts of memories and things; scheduled Dr. appointments; physical therapy appointments; appointments; appointments and more appointments! The lists also included a Living Will, Final Will, Guardianship paperwork; Power of Attorney paperwork; and funeral arrangements. This was a journey that brought me to rock bottom. At the time one I wished so badly to not be taking. I felt like my life had been put in a shoe box; placed on a shelf in the back of the closet and soon forgotten. The journey gave me many happy memories too. Time spent with Mike reflecting our life's journey together and realizing that he was not going to be with me to complete our lists was hard. Our conversations were helpful in that Mike expressed his desire for me to move on and start a new journey that was full of fun, adventure without predictability and laughter. I thought this would be a journey well down the road as my heart ached and longed to complete our list!
The next journey began after Mike's funeral. What to do? Where to go? Who will go with me? Yes, definitely who! I love being with people and sometimes find it hard to be alone; especially on a journey! But I have come to the realization that being alone is totally different from being lonely. Alone time is great; laundry gets done, long phone calls or more times than not, long text messages or personal face book messages, feeding my girlie side with pedicures and 'nails getting done', and even a long soak in the tub with candlelight and a drink of choice! Lonely hurts!
My current journey began a couple of months ago. It has been a journey of long conversations with good friends; meeting new friends and spending time with them; getting to know them and consequently getting to know 'me' better. It's included questions that have rocked me to the core; but have made me probe my mind and soul. It's also included spontaneous adventures; lots of razzing and fun and very few lists! It has brought out laughter and fun and sparked the long forgotten passion I've had for life in general. It's taken me on long car rides with the sun roof open and the radio blaring "Florida/Georgia Line's" cd. It's taking me on new paths and adventures. Not sure where that path or this journey will lead to or end; but am pretty sure it will include roads to no where and lots of new adventures!
No comments:
Post a Comment